Author Archives: Your Favorite Healthy Hustling Momager

How are you?*

HA! The question didn’t even make me flinch today. Today! I am determined!

First let’s reflect. I need to get some thoughts out!

Yesterday and the day before were uncomfortable!  I faced fears, feelings, worked a full shift, cooked dinner, worked on my dreams, did parenting, connected with friends, did far too much adulting, I received feedback, I gave feedback, I showed up for myself, I showed up for my fears, and RESTED EARLY!

Wow! I literally felt like I was barely productive yesterday!

Paris you are funny! I had bad moments, I had sad moments, but I had a great day! It wasn’t the day of my dreams, but it was a day of dreaming bigger!

I literally get on my own nerves, but yesterday I admitted that until I feel secure in my finances, I will need to work really hard at my inner work, which means more “me time”. HOW?!!

Thankfully I’m #villagestrong – I bring that up because there are a lot of people who don’t have friends or communities, and you really don’t have to live like that. I am still shocked at how much pride I still have that I labeled as something different. SHOUT OUT TO F.L.O.R!

I’ll get back to that, but today! GRATITUDE for today!

It wears you out but getting and learning the “lesson” is so fulfilling. The lesson repeats until learned and daily I am learning.

I’m also teaching, and you know what they tell you in corporate America! Once you can teach something, you are an expert. I REPEAT! I do not recommend growing up in corporate America like I did, but baby I did get some fire skills!

My mind is together and now I know how to leverage said skills. It’s a painful journey, but babyyyyyyy this is the peace you cannot buy.

 I am doing it scared everyday!

Facing fears like a beast because it’s time to risk it all. I learned the hard way that the tighter you try and hold onto things, the faster you lose them.

OK! I feel so much better and now it’s time to start the day. Paris- Refill to pour again! You have to refill all of your cups before you can share.

Paris- Your my FAVORITE Healthy HUSTLING MOMAGER! You got you and the crew!

Thank you for dreaming with me! I promised to LIVE, LOVE, LEARN, GLOW, GROW, and be DRAMATIC for the rest of my life. #LLFATMAC

*Coming Soon – How the question “How are you?” almost took me out!

I’m glad to understand that “trigger” ….now!

I would not advise growing up in Corporate America.

I spent more time at work than I did with family, and I was quickly responsible for others.

Personally, my life was a mess, thrown into adulthood from college, grief, new mom, corporate super star, abandonment, did I mention I was thrown into adulthood, and then I had the nerve to become a parent?!

13 years later I’m just learning about myself. It’s scary, It’s exciting, It’s scary! It’s scary, It’s scary!

One day I decided I was tired of being scared every day. I hear that I’m better at spacing it out and I can confirm that to be true and now that I know better, I can do better.

Whewwwwww! It feels good to be able to communicate and release some feelings.

All day, I just felt blah and whewwwww, It’s like I was trying to hold on to the bad feelings. I just could not figure it out.

I was reminded that it’s ok to have a day!
Then I cried and cried a little more.

I took a deep breath, I took a shower to wash off the day, I poured some tequila, and here I am.
GRATITUDE!

I did all of that and still worked on my dreams.

It’s a new day and I’m still not quite feeling like the Paris of my dreams this morning, but the difference is. I’m ok with that today because I understand my feelings more today.

I took more quiet time, I thought about my feelings, my environment, my dreams, and I also read my behavioral profile again. I love reading about myself when I don’t feel like how I think I should feel.

Today I ask again, how are you?

Your Favorite Healthy Hustling Momager

Why?

I don’t know how “it’s” going to work out, but I’m not quitting, and I believe that things will work out for my good.

The fear comes from wondering if I haven’t hit my lowest moment yet?

Are my hard efforts too late?

Thinking like that will increase the spiraling towards an unnecessary internal attack. Been there a few times!

I stop and I say… well what should we do?

Do we want to talk about it with someone?

Do we need to do something different with our days?

Is the plan wrong?

Then I stop that spiral and I say…you can’t control anything but your actions of today.

Have your cry

Don’t stop working todays list

Be gentle with yourself

It’s ok to be scared

You can do tough things and you can definitely do this scared

Let the loudest voice in your head be yours. Make sure you’re feeding it well

Your Favorite Healthy Hustling Momager

I’ve been pushing my consistency so hard that I feel like my emotions wake me up and refuse to be ignored.

I’ve become very aware of how my emotions impact my decisions and I’m enjoying the growth each lesson brings. In the moment it’s overwhelming but tough moments are just that.

New triggers = New self understanding

I understand my past more and have more clarity about why I’m me.

I’m accepting how I feel and adjusting the parts I don’t want to move forward with. I’m also learning more reasons why I love me.

Self – awareness at an all time high… whew days are long!

I have more empathy to those around me and who knew I could love more?!

I’m navigating how I can keep emotional boundaries, so that I don’t get overwhelmed by the lessons. You have to refill to pour again and I’m still in the negative. My motivation is the pursuit of harmony. Peace isn’t perfect it’s a mixture of lessons and blessings… the perfect harmony.

My self dialogue is priority – I have to witness the beauty of this mind and make sure we’re in alignment with the true desires of our heart.

My self talk changes the dynamics of my day so we have to address negative self talk in real time.

If I can’t find the quiet in my mind, I need more quiet time.

I need to process and then release #VillageStrong

I have real talks with myself

I measure the mission to make sure I’m truly holding myself accountable. 1,440 minutes in a day and I ensure that my daily actions are moving towards the life of my dreams.

27 days of consistency in the books!

I have a hard time remembering my age in connection to life events. Therapy taught me that we naturally suppress painful life events and it’s easy to forget large gaps of time.

As I’ve continued to unpeel my life in onion form, I’m met with more memories and more questions.

As I push myself to remember the past, I push even harder to envision my dreams.

It took all day to journal today, but I’m measuring extremely high on the productivity scale.

I showed up for my dreams today.

Take moment to brain dump, give thanks, reflect, and do a quick look into how you want to start the day tomorrow.

Your Favorite Healthy Hustling Momager

Taking a selfie everyday is humbling & fulfilling. I’ve taken one everyday for the last 20 days and we have 70 more days to go.

It reminds me of how upset I would be when my mom wouldn’t let me retake School pictures.

Bernice: That was you, that’s what you look like🤷🏽‍♀️

She’d buy the package even if we never passed one out. As a mom now, I’m sure that money could have went to something else, but she made sure I always had whatever the school offered.

Church kids would tease me about having too much, but I had too many great friends to care about those haters

My neighborhood friends showed me that I didn’t have enough, but I had too many great friends to ever feel out of place

Today…. I continue to be #villagestrong

Today….

20 days of selfies = 20 days of inner work

Today, I got out of my head, out of my way, and showed up for my dreams.

I showed up for Paris

Everyday I do more of the things I don’t want to do so that I can do more of the things I love to do

Every day I show up bolder & brighter from the inside out

♥️

Putting my big age in the shoes of my 10 year old daughter

I was born in 1985 #millenialmom

My daughter was born in 2013 #generationalpha

I give myself a stomach ache trying to hear the words she doesn’t say

I try to find my 10 year old self in her tears and in her actions

I try to anticipate her choices and proactively invade her thoughts

I haven’t figured out the perfect method or answers

I have decided that she will always have a safe place with me even when we’re both crying

Even if we’re both mad

Even when we’re scared

I’m committed to us

We’re a team

We learn together

We grow together

We make mistake together and independently

It’s both of our 1st times at this mother/ daughter journey

Your Favorite Healthy Hustling Momager

Why do I get so nervous…easily activated

Why do I want to move fast….my default response

I knew this, but I learned this lesson today.

Time – Until today, I was trying to beat clocks that didn’t exist

Why?

Unhealed trauma

Feeling robbed of time

TIME I deserved… my mother died by suicide, parenthood, the list goes on

I didn’t heal the young lady P… I just kept trying to control time. I’ve learned that the tighter I squeeze…the more I lose

I now understand why I had time anxiety! How do we mishandle the most precious gift?!!

I mishandled the most precious gift until today!

Today….I know better so I will do better!

The lesson repeats until learned

It intensifies each time around

Let me never be caught being ungrateful

Ha! Time I deserved? Who can I collect from?

I’ll focus on time moving forward

I’m working on my dreams today….you should too

Your Favorite Healthy Hustling Momager

Today I eased into the day

I didn’t put pressure on myself to immediately start trying to figure it out

I thanked the Lord for his blessings and many lessons

I confirmed that I was in the right place at the right time

I know that I’m making the right choices

My daily execution is aligned to the desires of my heart

It was a hard day

It was a purposeful day

It was a day of intention

It was a day of dedication

It was a day I showed resilience and determination

I dreamed big today

I cried today

I celebrated today

I lived today

Your Favorite Healthy Hustling Momager

Millions of reasons on the list of why losing a mate to death is hard.

Today- Being able to confide, ramble, cry, and think out-loud snuggling with your person.

Being able to burry your face into the skin of a person as you cry out your worry.

Being able to talk about anything and not having to start from the beginning of explaining who is who and the journey to today.

Naked pillow talk with my person

Naked dreaming with my person

Naked healing & connection with my person

I’ll have love again just not today

So today I write to the past, myself, to you, and to the future.

I encourage you to journal today and spend time in your mind.

Your Favorite Healthy Hustling Momager